Friday Funnies
This is for you gals out there, but since a guy with a great sense of humor sent it to me, I think the guys might enjoy it too. It's funny no matter how you look at it:
***One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after stepping into the laundry room, he shouted out to me, "What setting do I use?"
"It depends," I replied, "What does it say on the shirt?"
And he yelled, "UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS."
And they say blondes are dumb.
***A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world." And the woman replies, "I'm sure gonna miss you…"
***"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," says the husband as he steps out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
***"What do you say we change positions tonight?" whispers the husband.
"Great idea," says the wife. "You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the sofa and fart."
***Q: What do you call an intelligent, sensitive, good-looking man?
A: A rumor.
***A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a fairy came to them and said that, because they had been so good, they were each to be granted a special wish.
The wife wished to go on a cruise with her husband, and instantly, she had airline/cruise ship tickets in her hand.
The husband wished to be with someone 30 years younger and VOILA!--he was 90 years old!
Gotta love that fairy!
***A PRAYER:
"Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man,
Love to forgive him,
And patience to handle his moods,
Because Lord,
If I pray for strength,
I'll beat him to death."
***Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
***Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed and gasping for breath?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
***Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
***Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
***Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mails?
A: Re-name the file, "Instruction Manuals."
***One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after stepping into the laundry room, he shouted out to me, "What setting do I use?"
"It depends," I replied, "What does it say on the shirt?"
And he yelled, "UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS."
And they say blondes are dumb.
***A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world." And the woman replies, "I'm sure gonna miss you…"
***"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," says the husband as he steps out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
***"What do you say we change positions tonight?" whispers the husband.
"Great idea," says the wife. "You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the sofa and fart."
***Q: What do you call an intelligent, sensitive, good-looking man?
A: A rumor.
***A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a fairy came to them and said that, because they had been so good, they were each to be granted a special wish.
The wife wished to go on a cruise with her husband, and instantly, she had airline/cruise ship tickets in her hand.
The husband wished to be with someone 30 years younger and VOILA!--he was 90 years old!
Gotta love that fairy!
***A PRAYER:
"Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man,
Love to forgive him,
And patience to handle his moods,
Because Lord,
If I pray for strength,
I'll beat him to death."
***Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
***Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed and gasping for breath?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
***Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
***Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
***Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mails?
A: Re-name the file, "Instruction Manuals."
posted by Deanie Mills at 8:33 PM
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