Friday Funnies
Got a couple of good laugh-out-loud jokes for you today!
Osama at the Pearly Gates
Guys, this is an old joke that's made the rounds on the Internet, but it made me laugh out loud when I reread it recently, which means it meets my Friday Funnies criteria:
*When Osama Bin Laden died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped to conceive!"
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!"
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe, and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.
As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."
The angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"
This next one's a little saltier, but I simply cannot stop laughing.
Usually, when I see "You know you're a redneck if..." stuff, I just sigh and delete. But this one was so funny I had to share it.
You're an EXTREME Redneck When...
1. You let your 14-year old smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up or down depending on how much is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey guys, watch this!"
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your junior prom offered day care.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by the ceiling fan.
10. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch had more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Osama at the Pearly Gates
Guys, this is an old joke that's made the rounds on the Internet, but it made me laugh out loud when I reread it recently, which means it meets my Friday Funnies criteria:
*When Osama Bin Laden died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped to conceive!"
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!"
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe, and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.
As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."
The angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"
This next one's a little saltier, but I simply cannot stop laughing.
Usually, when I see "You know you're a redneck if..." stuff, I just sigh and delete. But this one was so funny I had to share it.
You're an EXTREME Redneck When...
1. You let your 14-year old smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up or down depending on how much is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey guys, watch this!"
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your junior prom offered day care.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by the ceiling fan.
10. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch had more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
posted by Deanie Mills at 8:04 AM
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