Sunday Stillpoint

Welcome to our first "Sunday Stillpoint." My intention was to have this posted early so that you could find it any time on a Sunday, but our server was down--so far down, in fact, that even the tech-support number did not ring.

Me being the intrepid soul I am, I visited my sister, (newly moved to Abilene), and she took me to an Internet cafe so that I could post a message on Blue Inkblots explaining about the downed server.

Was a great idea. Would've worked, too, IF ONLY I COULD HAVE REMEMBERED MY PASSWORD!!

However, I've just read an exceedingly powerful book which was chock-full of great coping strategies. It's called, THE BEETHOVEN FACTOR: The New Positive Psychology of Hardiness, Happiness, Healing, and Hope. (Hampton Roads Publisher, 2003.)

The author is bestsellling author Paul Pearsall, PhD. Pearsall is one of a founding group of psychologists who made a decision to change the direction of psychiatric thought--by concentrating, not on all the PROBLEMS human beings have (various and sundry "personality disorders" and mental illnesses)--but on how the healthiest of us have learned, not only how to survive the truly horrific--but to THRIVE.

The title is based on Ludwig von Beethoven, a gifted musician and composer who went tragically deaf right at the pinnacle of his career. Naturally, he despaired and cried out to God...but then he went on to compose such masterpieces as Ode to Joy and the Ninth Symphany.

Pearsall wondered, how on earth did Beethoven do it? He spent years interviewing people who had survived concentration camps, deadly disease, violent crimes, accidents, bankruptcies--any manner of sad upheavals in the course of one's lifetime. But there was something different about the individuals Pearsall interviewed. These were people who seemed filled with a buoyancy to life, an inner sparkle. They laughed frequently (often at themselves) and seemed possessed not just with optimism about the future, but with a hard-earned wisdom that he decided to share.

And then Pearsall was himself stricken with a deadly form of cancer, was told there was no chance of survival, put in the hospital for months of treatments so harsh he almost died from that alone. During that ordeal, which occurred more than ten years ago, he put to use the things he'd learned from his brave subjects.

He survived, and he thrived.

There's too much wonderful stuff in this book for a brief blog entry, but I thought I'd share what Dr. Pearsall refers to as a Daily Plan for Psychoimmunity Enhancement.

You know how, (especially as baby boomers age) there is more and more information floating around out there on how to boost one's immunity system, with vitamins and minerals, exercise and meditation.

This goes a step farther, by giving some suggestions on how to boost our own ability to cope with the slings and arrows of fate. Here is a brief synopsis:

1. Let it go.

The way Pearsall expresses it is, "Don't spend $100-worth of psychiatric energy on a 10-cent problem..No one upsets you," he adds. "YOU UPSET YOURSELF."

2. Have faith.

"Don't get emotional about being emotional. Stop aggravating yourself," Pearsall advises. "Unless you cling to them, all emotional states pass." (I have to remember that whenever I get upset about war news.)

3. Calm down.

"Don't be a thrill-seeker." Or as we say at our house, a drama queen. My daughter is an actor, and when she was in college, she used to giggle about how over-wrought some of the people she knew would get over common difficulties. It doesn't help, really. Just makes you feel worse.

4. Wait a while.

Sadness is absolutely natural when we are dealing with some very serious situations, such as catastrophic illness or a death in the family. Of course we SHOULD feel sad. But the people Pearsall interviewed advised us to "stop ruminating." He says, "Don't despair over sadness." Give it time.

5. Suffer humbly.

On the other hand, Pearsall says, "Don't be a martyr." Everyone suffers. Suffering, though difficult, is a natural part of life--essential, even, if we are to feel true joy. In our family, we often joke about the "Mills Family Curse." Actually, there's no such thing. We will all have our share, at one time or another.

6. If necessary, give it up.

I found this truth to be incredibly profound. In this country, especially, catch-phrases such as "quitters never win and winners never quit," are such a powerful part of our national psyche that to do anything else can make you feel like a total failure. However, an increasingly vocal group of wise-thinkers are beginning to be heard, and what they are saying is that, there are times when quitting is the smartest thing you can do.

"Thriving through a crises often involves intentional and considered disengagement from failed efforts," Pearsall explains, "or scaling back to a lesser goal in the same domain."

In a physiological sense, when we engage in creative giving-up--I prefer words like "relinquishing"--this actually allows the psychiatric system to "reboot" as Pearsall calls it, so that it can "focus its efforts more efficiently and effectively."

"Strength is not always about overcoming, but is sometimes about allowing oneself to be overcome...Strength is not always about victory over the outside world, but sometimes changes in our inside world."

I like this so well, I'm going to bold-face it: "The hardy know that persevering can turn out to be glorious stupidity and that giving up at the wrong time can turn out to be a tragic loss...Choosing wisely between these options is also an important human strength."

Thrivers, Pearsall points out, "have good outcomes in their lives because they are good at construing crises in such a way that they can focus on what they are already good at instead of what they cannot do."

7. Cheer up.

"You're much stronger than you feel and think..." Pearsall says. "Until we personally come to know just how bad things can get, we often fail to see just how powerfully resilient we are."